Serious question. Why aren’t conservatives funny?

On Talking Point Memo today, there’s an article on a new Glenn Beck TV joint, the B.S. of A.  To paraphrase Megyn Kelly, it’s the Daily Show, essentially.  According to the GBTV press release, it’s intended to be a “non-partisan” alternative to stuff that’s actually funny, like the Colbert Report or the Daily Show.

The host is some guy named Brian Sack, who apparently wrote a book called the B.S. of A., and needs to market it somehow.

The article embeds the following clip from the show:

Who remembers the 1/2 Hour News Hour?  That was the first (?) attempt to make a conservative Daily Show.

Or how about Gallagher?  Granted that prop comedy gets stale pretty quickly, what’s his excuse for the jokes?  From a Stranger article on a Gallagher performance last year in Seattle:

“Hey, President Obama,” he spits out the name like a mouthful of burning hair. “You ain’t black. I don’t care what you say—you’re a latte. You’re half whole-milk. It could be goat milk—you could be a terrorist!” I am too busy losing my mind to catch the next joke, which is about Ted Kennedy’s brain cancer. Aaaaand we’re off.

Gallagher is upset about a lot of things. Young people with their sagging pants (in faintly coded racist terms, he explains that this is why the jails are overcrowded—because “their” baggy pants make it too hard for “them” to run from the cops). Tattoos: “That ink goes through to your soul—if you read your Bible, your body is a sacred temple, YOU DIPSHIT.” People naming their girl-children Sam and Toni instead of acceptable names like Evelyn and Betty: “Just give her some little lesbian tendencies!” Guantánamo Bay: “We weren’t even allowed to torture all the way. We had to half-torture—that’s nothin’ compared to what Saddam and his two sons OOFAY and GOOFAY did.” Lesbians: “There’s two types—the ugly ones and the pretty ones.” (Um, like all people?) Obama again: “If Obama was really black, he’d act like a black guy and get a white wife.” Michael Vick: “Poor Michael Vick.” Women’s lib: “These women told you they wanna be equal—they DON’T.” Trans people: “People like Cher’s daughter—figure that out. She wants a penis, but she has a big belly. If you can’t see your dick, you don’t get one.” The Rice Krispies elves: “All three of those guys are gay. Look at ’em!” The Mexicans: “Look around—see any Mexicans? Nope. They’ll be here later for the cleanup.” The French: “They ruin our language with their faggy words.”

Or how about Dennis Miller?  He started out with a promising career in comedy, turned conservative, and apparently part of the deal was a surgical removal of his sense of humor.  Hmmm, wikipedia says that he endorsed Herman Cain for the 2012 presidential elections, so maybe he’s getting it back.

But seriously, why aren’t conservatives funny?  I really want to know the answer to this.



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